The Optimistic Child

I recently started reading "The Optimistic Child" by Martin Seligman after hearing a recommendation at an institute I attended last summer.  I was interested for a few reasons.  One, I am definitely an optimist.  Two, not every single one of the people I have worked with were all optimists (shocking!).  Three, as a parent, I want to help my child develop a positive view of the world and the opportunities available to everyone in good times and bad.  Here's what I didn't expect:

How closely related the ideas in this book were to working successfully with students.  For example, focusing on the behavior, not the person.  I.e., instead of saying (and thinking!) "You are selfish," saying "You need to share more."  Instead of "This is a mess!  You are a total slob!", focusing on "This room is a mess!" BUT "You need to start picking up after yourself."  In the classroom this is present in not encouraging the idea of "I got a C in Math, I'm just not a Math person," but "I didn't do as well on that test, maybe I need to ask for more help/I need to identify what it is that I need to focus on in order to do better next time."

It is important to note that the author is not saying that being optimistic is a cure for depression, which can be related to body chemistry, debilitating, and part of a lifelong struggle to live a healthy, rewarding life.  What the author seeks to clarify is that we can give our children experiences that help them face difficulty, persevere, and solve problems.  We can give them skills that can help a person avoid triggers and spirals that can lead to depression.

The author suggest that instead of denying reality (what you are experiencing isn't real, it doesn't hurt your feelings, it isn't difficult), validate the child's disappointment and allow them to have those feelings - as much as you might want to simply make them vanish!  Help a child understand that effort and practice often compensate for a lack of natural ability or physicality.  Don't simply do something for a child without giving them a chance to try it again and let them achieve success, even if it's a small one.

And this is just the first chapter...I am looking forward to delving deeper into this book!